So often, speakers feel that they are getting up in front of strangers. And worse, they expect that the strangers in their audience will be unaccepting or disapproving of what they have to say. The thought that they might not like you or agree with you triggers a terrifying reaction in your body and mind. The result is stage fright and fear of public speaking. I tell my speaking students to focus on loving their listeners rather than worrying about whether they will like you or not. The latter holds no power. There is no power in being concerned about whether they will like you. The only power is in choosing to like them, care for them, be there for them. So what if you changed your perception of the audience and chose to see them as friends? In doing so, your relationship with listeners changes to a positive connection. Since what you focus on expands and what you give out is what you get back, why not focus on caring for your listeners, audiences and groups? The next time you have to speak to a group, look at them as friends who you are just getting to know. Take a little time at the beginning of your talk to get to know them. Maybe even ask some questions about what they know, think or feel about your topic so you understand where they are with the subject matter. Make speaking about listening to your audience and being with them in a friendly way. As you engage them in conversation, talk to one person at a time. Hold a one to one conversation so that at all times you are just talking to one person. Then talk with another person. The magic of this is that when you are having a real conversation with one person, everyone in the audience feels connected with because there is a real connection happening in the room. Finally, be genuine with them. Share the ideas and expertise and stories that have helped you. In the same way you would share new ideas with friends at a party, share your ideas, insights and expertise with listeners. Realize that you have no idea how much you might be helping someone with your speaking.
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Hi Sandra,
I don’t mind admitting that some time ago, I felt completely “cut off from people, life, the universe” – and I recall it peaking when I was somewhere in Texas, hauling a sailboat from Newport Beach CA to Marblehead MA with my brother… I felt cut off and as I began to explore why, I could find no actual reason so I set it aside for later.
Later, back at home, I explored deeper and it was then that I realized it’s actually completely impossible to be “cut off” from people or the universe; I had this gut level realization that we are all truly one. Sounds esoteric, I know, but I’ve been involved in teaching and training in Martial Arts for years and there’s a lot of emphasis on this “concept”.
Here’s one of my favorite quotes: “strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet”. Another: “friends are all around you, enemies have to be made”.
Truly, we are all connected. We are all more alike than not. Look out over a group and you’ll see faces that are just like you and your loved ones; they crave security, love, acceptance, fun, companionship, and so on. Our differences are outweighed by our similarities. Looking at you, I see the spark of divinity in you that we can all wake up to accept as our birthright – we are all connected to each other and everything else, and it’s an illusion of language and perception that makes us think we are separate; being separate is, in actuality, impossible. We cannot step outside of the universe and look back in.
Look at an audience with compassion. The human experience is common to us all. Feel the connection with them. They are you, you are them.
No reason to fear your friends.
Best,
David Portney
Dear David
Thanks for this stunning comment on my blog! You have truly shared yourself authentically. I am honored by your sharing and pleased that my blog has drawn such a beautiful comment from you! Since I received a Doctorate in Esoteric Philosophy, your comments are not strange to me. They resonate with a universal truth common to all spiritual philosophies and religions. Thanks so much for staying in touch!
Sandra (who lives in Texas!)