I chanced upon a fantastic website unconditionalconfidence.com. Nancy Tierney is the author of this site. She has made similar discoveries about stage fright and fear of public speaking as I have. Her blog is full of great ideas and insights! For instance she says “The fear of speaking in public could be cured with a healthy dose of love and respect for yourself.” I so agree! The fear and tension triggered by speaking in front of others is absolutely related to lack of love for oneself. In stage fright, we are focusing too much on what they, the audience, might think about us and our capability instead of focusing on what we have to offer listeners. When we are able to love ourselves, accept ourselves and share our energy and insights, then fear dissolves.
Nancy offers some steps to move you towards falling in love with yourself which I encourage you to read at her blog. Her tips are excellent but way too big for most people to just do quickly. If you could just switch on the love for yourself in front of an audience, you would be cured instantly. My experience is that realistically it is going to take a process of transformation to uncover the feeling of love for yourself in front of others. You must go through a process of releasing the fear and tension that occurs when you become the center of attention. As Nancy knows, this tension is just energy in the body. It is getting blocked along different points of the body creating an experience of great discomfort to the point that you may not be willing to stay present while speaking in front of others.
In my programs, we create an emotionally safe group where each participant can have the chance to explore the tension of being the center of attention in front of the group. The process of curious exploration causes the tension to transform into a bodily-felt sense of flow and the energy moves through the body. Then the energy that had been tension and that was blocking our authenticity and distracting us from speaking freely now feels wonderful! Once we release the inner tension, what we find underneath is love flowing through us. Love is what we are, all of us – living energy of love expressing through a physical body. And once we connect with the love that is in all of us, we become energized with a joy to share our ideas, insights, talents and expertise. The love buoys our spirit and the words flow freely. If you want to experience your own love for yourself as well as for your audiences, consider participating in a Speaking from the Heart class or workshop.
Hello,
While I agree that self confidence always plays a big role in what we do, it can hardly be suggested that learning to love yourself more will cure the fear of public Speaking. Other than general (and specific phobias), another reason for fearing public speaking is simply not being exposed to it and knowing what to do, or being exposed to it previously and stuffing it up!
I have many clients who I would easily classify as self confident people but are scared of public speaking. Why? Well it is about knowing what you can and cannot do well. After coaching they become much better and are able to move forward.
This has nothing to do with love of themselves. After all, there are many people who love themselves and are still scared of public speaking!
Just my thoughts!
Cheers
Darren Fleming
Australia’s Public Speaking Coach
http;//www.executivespeaking.com.au
Hello Darren
Thank you so much for your comment to my Blog! I am going to agree with you and disagree as well. You are right that people who are self-confident can be taught mechanics of public speaking (what to do and how to do it) and that will easily take care of their performance anxiety that is related to public speaking. But, for someone who has a strong fear, who is overwhelmed by bodily-felt sensation, then overlaying mechanical speaking skills on top of inner turmoil will not be effective.
Your approach seems like a fairly traditional one, solidly placed in teaching good mechanical skills. And I am so glad you are successful at helping some people in Australia! My approach is a revolutionary one. It is great for two kinds of speakers – those who are struggling with gripping stage fright and those who are already good speakers and who want to go beyond a mechanical skill level into a style of speaking that is authentic and “in the Zone.”
I would like to respond more fully to your comment but am pressed for time today. I will address this more fully in my next post. Again, thanks for commenting. We who can teach public speaking are all valuable in helping people be able to share their ideas, insights and expertise with the world. Keep coaching and serving!
Warmly, Sandra Zimmer
As a former toast master and a student of Sandra’s class I can say that both methods have value. For me personally it is not difficult to get up in front of an audience nor do I lack love of self. But with Sandra’s method I truly have become a more genuine communicator. Nothing staged just speaking from “me”. Three years of toastmasters prepared me technically but left me still searching. In twelve weeks with Sandra, I can communicate comfortably in front of a audience, confront my mother n’ law (in a positive loving way) and talk one on one with clients and friends with total presence. I know TM is a well respected organization but true presence in communication is not taught with 10 speeches, table topics, word masters, ah counters, grammarians etc…
As a professional singer and speaker, I’m often asked if I still get nervous in front of an audience. I do. But I’ve learned to use my nervous energy – and minimize its impact.