You Can Be-Come Anything You Want to Be.

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I studied acting for many years. I thought acting would help me become somebody.  I think it did.  Much of what I have become and been able to accomplish is due to my acting training and experience.

The one thing I learned from acting is how to become something new.  To become means to be comfortable with new qualities, behaviors and skills.  Think about what an actor has to do.  He has to transform his own thoughts, feelings and actions into those of the role he is playing, the character he is portraying.  To do this well, he has to commit to those thoughts, feelings and actions so that he believes in what he is doing and so that others (the audience) believe in him as well.

I want to be clear, acting is not faking.  The actor must believe in what he is saying, feeling and thinking.  Acting is about being real with what you feel in the moment of the play.  Acting is, in fact, a transformational experience.

You can learn to transform yourself using similar techniques that actors use to create characters.  Your objective is to become something new and to be comfortable with whatever the new quality is.  Here is how you do it:

  1. Decide what you want to become – maybe more confident, connected, attentive, powerful, expressive, you name it.
  2. Identify the script you are currently playing – what is in the way of having the desired quality.  Ask, “What do I tell myself to explain why I am not ____.”
  3. Rewrite your internal script. Literally write a new thought that stimulates new behaviors and leads to the new quality.  For instance, say you discover you are telling yourself that you are shy and uncomfortable with new people.  Write a new script like, “I really like other people and I enjoy connecting everywhere I go.”  When you start telling yourself this story, magic happens! You are thinking differently and you will start to act differently.
  4. Physicalize your new quality.  As an actor has to discover how his character walks and talks, decide what physical characteristics will help you act “not shy.”  In your living room, practice walking and talking the way you see people who exhibit confidence do.
  5. Use your imagination to get into the skin of your new “character.”  This is my most secret technique for embodying desired qualities.  I used to use it to help me create characters.  Then I discovered I could take on any quality I wished to express using this same technique.

First, get into a relaxed state with eyes closed. Then imagine a person who is like the person you want to become. Visualize yourself walking up to this person and having a conversation.  Ask the person how he was able to be like he is.  Ask what you can do to be like him.  Listen to what the imaginary person says.  Then, imagine that you step inside his body.  Walk right in and turn around and wiggle down into his skin.  Give yourself a little time to settle into the skin of your imaginary person.  Notice how you feel to be in his skin.  What feels different in your body.  Finally walk around the room.  Talk outloud.

In the beginning, this exercise may seem strange because you are not yet comfortable with the new feelings and behaviors. But after you do this exercise a few times, you become comfortable.  You become the quality you desired.

Yes, you can become anything you want to be.  You have within you the possibility of expressing all the qualities of humanity. With a little effort and practice you can be comfortable being whatever you wish.

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Thanks to Kathy Reiffenstein

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Many thanks to Kathy Reiffenstein who writes the popular Professionally Speaking Blog on Creating Confident, Persuasive Speakers!

 

Kathy wrote a superb review of my book, It’s Your Time to Shine: How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking, Develop Authentic Presence and Speak from Your Heart.

 

For many valuable ideas on public speaking, visit Kathy’s blog and website.  Here are a few of Kathy’s other recent posts:

 

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Being Genuine and Being Authentic

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Beverly Dracos, a writer for business communications and owner of Genuine Communications.com, astonished me with her understanding of the use of words “authenticity” and being “genuine.”  Bev loves language and has made a serious study of the meaning of various words that relate to genuineness. I have always used authentic and genuine interchangeably, but Bev draws a clear distinction between them. Her distinction is really worth noting for speakers and communicators.

The word “authentic’ refers to how you are being yourself.  It is a reference to self-expression.  That is, how you express yourself reflects how you really are inside, what you are thinking, feeling, perceiving and believing.

The term “being genuine” is more about how you relate to other people.  You are genuine when you reach out to others in a caring and authentic way. Being genuine means being warm towards other people.

In my work, I make a distinction between self-expression and communication.  Self-expression is simply externalizing what is happening in your inner world of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values and perceptions.  Communication is self-expression that also shows care and concern for others and how they might receive the message. So, you can be authentic without being genuine.  You can express yourself authentically without reaching out in a caring way to others.  So, according to Beverly’s understanding, you can self-express authentically; but until you are being genuine with others, you are not communicating well.

Here is an example.  Mary Anne is a supervisor at a manufacturing plant.  She was promoted a year ago to supervisor because she was very efficient in her production tasks.  Mary Anne expresses her self authentically a lot.  She says whatever she thinks and feels without regard for what others feel about her messages.  As she functions more and more as a leader, she is starting to get some complaints from her employees and even from her executives.  Why?  Because she is not being genuine with people.  It’s true she is authentic, but she does not stop to think how she is coming across to others when she expresses herself.  That is hurting her relationships with co-workers. She is not communicating warmly and genuinely.  As a result, others experience her as abrasive and uncaring.  What Mary Anne will need to learn is how to express her self genuinely with co-workers, as well as authentically.

Do you get the distinction now? How about you?  Do you express yourself authentically?  Are you also genuine with others?

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Speaking Tips From Broadway Acting

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I found a wonderful blogpost by Kathy  Reiffenstein at Professionally Speaking Blog that I simply must share with you!  Kathy draws some valuable lessons on speaking from the Broadway production of A Little Night Music.

So much of my skill as a speaker and speaking teacher comes from my training as an actress.  So it is delightful to see another presentation coach reminding business presenters about the many lessons learned from stage actors.

Enjoy the video clips of Catherine Zita-Jones and Angela Lansbury who shine in this production. Catherine just won the Tony Award for her performance.

 

Actors are trained in concentration as well as authentic emotion. What you will see in the video clips is the presence that Catherine and Angela have as they perform.   And you will FEEL the raw emotion as Catherine sings Send in the Clowns.

Thanks Kathy!  For a wonderful post!

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Married to Powerpoint

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The following is a post written by my friend and client Leigh Mires, Principal and Training Director of Walter P Moore Engineering.  She and I have been working for seven years to train their engineers to reduce their dependence on PowerPoint.  I guess we have more work to do!

 

Married to PowerPoint

Cate Blanchett, portraying Queen Elizabeth I in the 1998 film Elizabeth, held out her hand to display her royal ring and exclaimed to her close advisor Lord Burghley, “Look Lord Burghley, I am married to England!”  When it comes to making presentations, we spend so much time over the glow of our computers creating slides that we might as well be married to Powerpoint.

Typically a presenter will spend an average of two minutes of time per Powerpoint slide.  I often quote this rule of thumb to course developers when they send me a 157 slide presentation designed to be delivered in 90 minutes.  When I send the presentation back telling the developer to cut their slides in half, I’m usually met with a response like, “oh, I’m only going to spend a few seconds on most of those slides!”

So, I decided to conduct my own research.

This week one of our senior leaders delivered a new course in our Business Development Training Series titled

An Introduction to the Basic Business Development Process.  He delivered this course to our offices in two different ways – one way by webcast to non-Houston offices and another by live presentation in the Houston office.  Both presentations utilized PowerPoint.  I timed him when he delivered his webcast to the Austin office and had a co-worker time him when he did his live presentation in Houston. Here are my findings:

Via Webcast – average time spent per slide = 73 seconds

Live seminar – average time spent per slide = 85 seconds

Note that the webcast delivery method had no audience participation until the presentation was finished and our executive opened it up for questions.  Otherwise, there was no planned audience interaction designed for the training.  And, I believe it is safe to say that there was no surprise that the live seminar clocked longer per slide due to the live, open access the presenter had to the audience.

While these findings show an average of less than 2 minutes per slide, based on the density of slides I typically review for technical seminars and client training, I believe the 2 minute rule is pretty accurate.  It especially holds true since effective training usually has built in methods for audience interaction.

Leigh A. Mires

Principal
Director of Organizational Development + Training

WALTER P MOORE

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Expressing Genuine Warmth

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 A wonderful new client gave voice to her goal of expressing more warmth.  I think this is a great goal for everyone!

Warmth is an emotion, so it can’t be simply acted out.  You can’t behave like you are warm because others will sense you lack of real warmth. You can’t DO warmth, you must feel it so that you can BE it and express it authentically.

All emotions are subtle vibrations that flow through and radiate out of the physical body.  To radiate warmth, you must generate the feeling of warmth within your body by filling your body with caring, active goodwill and love for yourself and others.  This can be intentionally achieved.

We have within our bodies a nervous system with energetic centers along the cerebrospinal canal that can be lit from within through focus of attention.  These centers exist at seven main areas along the spine – at the base of the spine, the area between the base of the spine and the navel, the navel center, the heart area, in the throat, between the eyebrows and at the crown of the head. In just a few minutes of focused attention, we can intentionally generate a lush warm feeling inside these body centers causing us to feel genuine warmth for ourselves and for others. The action of focusing attention into an area of the body causes energy to move into and fill up that area. If you fill up your entire cerebrospinal column, you create an inner feeling of warmth, flow and ease that others can sense. Below is an exercise you can try for yourself.

 

Energizing Exercise to Fill Yourself Up

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position.  Close your eyes. Take a few deep relaxing breaths and let your body sink into whatever you are resting upon.

Focus Attention down the Front of Your Body.  Place your attention at the crown of your head. For a few breaths, simply watch the crown of your head.  Then focus your attention between your eyebrow and watch for a few breaths.  Next, focus your attention in the front of your throat area and watch for a few breaths.  Then focus in the front of your heart and watch for a few breaths.  Now bring your attention to the front of your solar plexus just above the navel and watch for a few breaths.  Next, focus in the front of the area about three inches below your navel and watch for a few breaths.  And now focus your attention at the base of your spine and watch for a few breaths.

Focus Attention up the Back of Your Body.   Focus in the back of the area about three inches below your navel and watch for a few breaths.   Now bring your attention to the back of your solar plexus just above the navel and watch for a few breaths.  Then focus in the back of your heart and watch for a few breaths. Next, focus your attention in the back of your throat area and watch for a few breaths. Then focus your attention in the back of your head opposite the eyebrows and watch for a few breaths. Finally, place your attention at the crown of your head. For a few breaths, simply watch the crown of your head.

Rest for a few minutes with a kind of open attention inside yourself and notice how you feel.  You may feel fuller, more comfortable in your skin, more relaxed, more energized or somehow deeper into your body. You may actually feel warmer and more open.  You can test your warmth by going out into a public setting or into a group of family or friends.  Notice how you feel about yourself and about others.

 

People who seem warm to others possess a fullness of feeling that radiates a positive energy.  They are filled up with love for themselves which spills over to others causing others to in turn feel good about themselves.  Someone who is warm makes you feel good about yourself.  We all want to be liked and loved, but we don’t all make others feel liked and loved. Why not commit to being the one who make others feel good about themselves?

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Thomas Friedman & BP – How Messages Find their Way to the Right Ears

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I am a huge fan of Thomas Friedman.  He articulates clearly what I can’t always think for myself.  When I can’t quite clarify my thoughts about global situations, Friedman will say it in a way that makes me sigh, “Yes, that’s it!”

In case you don’t know who Thomas Friedman is, he is a columnist for the New York Times and a three-time Pulitzer Prize winner.  His columns appear in the Houston Chronicle where I read them eagerly each week.

Last week, Thomas said that the gulf oil spill is not Obama’s Katrina, but it is his 9/11.  In Thomas’ opinion, the gulf oil spill is an opportunity for Obama to lead us as a nation to help us end our addiction to oil.  Like George W. Bush, during 9/11, Obama is missing the chance to energize the American people to do something important and lasting that is hard to do in normal times – to mobilize the country behind a really big initiative for nation-building.

I am knocked out by Friedman’s assessment!  Yes!  What an opportunity to make something good happen.  Let’s not miss it!

Last week, I also worked with one of my most valued clients who happens to be a leader at BP.  He is a man who cares for his employees, his company, his country and community.  He, like all BP employees right now, is working long hours to handle all that is coming at them.  My client shared with me that Obama had said publically that the government would be keeping it’s foot on the throat of BP.  I could see the pain on my client’s face!  Friedman would have said don’t tell us to hate BP!

I shared a bit of Thomas Friedman’s article with my client. He will have the opportunity to speak before 1,500 BP employees soon when he accepts an award for his team.  What I shared from Friedman’s column was a quote from Tim Shriver, the chairman of Special Olympics.  “…being a leader means telling the rest of us what’s our job, what we need to do to make this a transformative moment.”

I encouraged my client to use his speaking platform (appropriately of course) to be this definition of a leader. I encourage Obama and all leaders who have the opportunity to tell us what we can do to make this a transformative moment.

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Crafting Your Speech so Listeners can Track

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This week, I coached a Director at a Fortune 100 company who is preparing to deliver an executive summary presentation.  Twice a year, “Steve” must present to senior executives an update that includes what his team has achieved, what they are working on, what their prospects are and what they have contributed to the overall company.

Steve is a smart guy, on the introverted side, and aware that this presentation is not just an update but an opportunity to justify his personal efforts, his salary and his position.  So, after our first coaching session, he wrote a succinct and sizzling introduction to his 15 minute presentation.  In our second session, he was ready to refine and polish his intro.  His intro was really good; and we could have left it alone.  But, because we were going for great, I listened for flow of speech that allowed his executive audience to follow his thought process without any mental snags.

A thought snag is a word, phrase or idea in a speech that causes listeners to question what you mean.  When listeners get mentally snagged on something you say, they stop listening and tracking with you. When a presentation is critical, you don’t want your listeners to get stuck on anything you say.  You don’t want listeners to be thinking, “What did he mean?” You don’t want to say anything that causes them to stop following the meaning of your words.

In the last phase of coaching a client’s presentation preparation, I simply listen to hear if I follow and understand everything being said.  And I especially listen for anything that makes me stop listening.  Anything said that stops me from tracking, we rewrite on the spot until it flows.

Here are a few ideas for writing talks that don’t cause thought snags in your listeners.

  1. Speak in the simplest language possible.
  2. Keep sentences short
  3. Don’t use compound sentences.
  4. Make sure your grammar is correct.
  5. Use active, not passive tense.  ie. “We will do it.” not “It will be done.”

If you are facing a very important presentation where much is at stake, I suggest that you read your talk aloud to someone who is not involved and has no stake in the situation.  Ask a friend to listen for anything you say that makes them stop listening or start questioning what you meant.  Then, rewrite until there are no thought snags in your talk.

Those of you who have worked with me or read many of my posts, know that my emphasis is not on giving the “perfect” speech.  Rather I focus on authentic speaking.  However, when a presentation is critical to your career, taking the extra time to make it flow is worth the effort.

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PowerPoint – An “Epidemic” Sapping Presenter Effectiveness & Costing Deals!

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 I spoke at a conference for proposal managers last week and was reminded of how much business professionals rely on PowerPoint for delivering presentations. The following is an article I wrote forThe Houston Business Journal several years ago.  I have rewritten it to share with you….

Has PowerPoint gone from useful tool to emotional roadblock for business presenters – potentially causing them to lose out on high-stakes sales presentations?  Absolutely!

 I believe the ubiquitous presentation software has become such an obstacle to connecting with potential customers that I encourage my speaking students to ditch (or at least greatly reduce) PowerPoint and speak from the heart. 

 In over 30 years of experience in communication coaching, I have observed that use of PowerPoint is out of control, and hardly anyone who relies on it heavily is persuasive. If the presenter is reading bullet points from slides with his back to the audience the majority of the time, and if everyone gets bogged down in endless lists of bullet points, there’s little room for true connection and communication to happen.

 In fact, PowerPoint has become so pervasive in business presentations that many corporate clients use “PowerPoint” as a synonym for “presentation.”  PowerPoint has become to ‘presentation’ what ‘Kleenex’ is to ‘tissue,’ but it’s a great mistake to believe that PowerPoint is your presentation! You and your ideas are the presentation, not the slides. You are the only thing potential clients can’t get by reading a slide or a paper.

 I advise my business presenters to limit PowerPoint’s communication-quashing tendencies by making at least 70% of their contact directly with the audience, not with the slides.  Companies stand a much better chance of winning their proposal presentations by polishing their speaking skills, learning how to be persuasive, and honing the ability to capture and hold the attention of an audience without the “crutch” of PowerPoint.

 If my advice sounds old-fashioned in an economy that becomes more technology-driven by the day, consider the success of a Houston-based firm that has followed my advice.

 When executives with Equipment Collaborative stopped using PowerPoint in mid-2005, they scored a 100% win rate with new-business presentations in the next month – a much higher rate than previously.

 Equipment Collaborative specializes in helping hospitals and other healthcare-related institutions plan new spaces and procure and install equipment.  They specialize in hospital replacement projects ranging from 300,000 to 500,000 square feet, involving millions of dollars worth of equipment.  The company’s contracts are typically valued between $100,000 to $500,000.

 “Using PowerPoint wasn’t the best way to communicate how we were different from our competitors.  We had so much content in the slides that our overall takeaway message – why they should choose us – got lost.  Now, by communicating our strengths better, we win more proposals,” said Equipment Collaborative President Lisa Charrin.

 Charrin now handles new-client presentations in a much more relaxed, conversational format.  “We tell interesting stories about how we have helped clients in the past with similar situations that our potential new clients might be facing.  We show them the actual forms and documents we use, to demonstrate the thoroughness of our process, and how it relates to a client’s specific needs.  And we ask questions – but most of all, we listen,” said Charrin.

 Charrin also realized an unexpected benefit with their new presentation style. “We sleep much better the night before, instead of staying up through the early hours of the morning, getting our PowerPoint slides together,” she said.

 Indeed, preparation time for actually speaking is a frequent casualty of PowerPoint obsession. Putting together a PowerPoint presentation is too often like cramming for an exam.  People rarely take the time to practice their speaking part, which is the real presentation. PowerPoint should at most be a visual backdrop, with the presenter in the starring role.

 Here is a list of do’s and don’ts for when people do use PowerPoint.

 DO’S

  • Adapt your PowerPoint presentation to the way the mind works.  The mind needs “white space” to absorb and digest information, so limit slides to a maximum of 10 images per main speaker.
  • Reduce visual overload by moving text off-screen and narrating the content or idea with your talk.
  • Write one headline per slide, explaining the main idea.  Remove any other content which does not relate to that idea.
  • Make 70% of your contact with the audience, and only 30% with the screen and your notes.
  • If you need to focus your attention on a slide, come out and join the audience.  Look at the slide with them from their perspective.

 DON’TS

  • Don’t make your audience read lots of words on slides.  They won’t be able to process that much new information – and word overload says you haven’t digested the information yourself.
  • Don’t turn your back to the audience and talk to the slides.
  • Don’t read off a list of bullet points.
  • Don’t start to prepare by typing your rough notes into the PowerPoint program.  Refine key ideas before making slides.  Any extra time is better spent practicing your delivery.
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