This week I chanced upon a new book about transforming stage fright. It is called Performing in the Zone by Jon Gorrie. Jon has written a blog post to tell a story about a man in a Dallas church who was asked to speak by his minister to the very large congregation. The man was extremely nervous to speak until his wife made a simple comment to him that shifted how he thought about speaking to his church group. Read the story and look at Jon’s book.
By now you know that I believe in telling stories to make talks interesting, engaging and compelling. Did you also know that telling your story relaxes and calms you, and it frees your body to express more naturally and creatively?
I used to think that I did not have any stories to tell. I thought stories were hard to tell. But I have learned that stories are all around us, everyday. Big stories, little stories. Even the smallest moment where something happened can become a powerful story.
A story is just what happened. When you say, “You will never guess what happened!” you are about to tell a story. How many times a week do you think about telling a friend or relative what happened? A bunch!
Train yourself to start capturing stories. When you are going through an experience that is interesting, exciting, challenging or unusual, make a mental note to capture the experience as a story. Just write it down and then try to tell it aloud later in the day or week. If you really want to build your stories, keep a story log – a journal of all the stories you captured. Include the lesson of the story – what you learned from the experience.
I have been teaching storytelling to corporate and private clients for several years. I encourage people to use them in meetings, networking and presentations of all kinds. Sometimes it is the simplest story that can make a difference in a presentation. Here’s a story about storytelling. I call this my Chris Campbell Story.
My first Project Interview coaching job was with a team of young engineers at KBR.
One of KBR’s young project managers, Chris Campbell told a story while we were preparing to present for a project interview to TEXDOT for the Austin Turnpike Project.
Chris told us of being out on the road New Years Day as they were about to open the Dallas Turnpike tollbooths. He was in the back of the truck with the construction guys picking up orange cones and throwing them in the back of the pickup. Suddenly at noon, the gates opened and cars started going through the gates. He could hear the change going KA Ching as cars moved through the tollbooths.
We used that story to open his presentation. It gave us the theme for the whole presentation. It did several things for KBR’s presentation to TEXDOT:
1. It entertained the selection panel. They later commented positively to the proposal manager!
2. It showed them how hands-on Chris would be.
3. It reminded them of the money to be made with the tollroad.
4. While they did not get hired for that project, TXDOT actually came back to them later and asked them to handle another project.
Sean Buvala at storyteller.net has written an awesome post on using stories for apologies and healing. He says that “Storytelling can be used for many different applications. One of the most difficult, but needed, application of storytelling is to express reconciliation, repentance and recompense.”
Sean lists five steps that help create a story of redemption:
1. Always tell the truth.
2. Start the story with the vision of the future.
3. Acknowledge your “sin” against the world.
4. Tell us about how you have paid your debt.
5. Express the actions you are taking now, in the present and future, that demonstrate how you have changed.
Why I think this is so imprtant is that all we humans make mistakes. The story allow us to be transparent and helps develop a sense of authenticity that is required for people to understand and forgive your past actions.
For more information please contact:
Sandra Zimmer
The Self-Expression Center
281-293-7070 Main
281-389-4224 Mobile
Founder of Houston’s Self-Expression Center publishes “It’s Your Time to Shine”
While millions of Americans are willing to ham it up on YouTube and share intimate details via social media, the fear of public speaking remains the nation’s greatest phobia – especially for business people and professionals who are called upon to address groups both large and small.
To overcome stage fright, the key is not to imitate the extroverts but to embrace your inner introvert, according to a new book that turns traditional methods of teaching public speaking on their head.
Rather than viewing their stage fright as a sign that something is wrong with themselves, people should see their fear as a friend which can lead them to speak passionately, argues stage fright expert Sandra Zimmer in her new book, “It’s Your Time To Shine: How to Overcome Fear of Public Speaking, Develop Authentic Presence and Speak from Your Heart.”
Just released, the book is available on Amazon.com and at www.self-expression.com, where a free download offers a sample chapter and table of contents.
Founder of The Self-Expression Center in Houston, Zimmer is a former actress who transformed her own stage fright experiences into The Zimmer Method, a fusion of self-help psychology, self-esteem building exercises, public speaking and acting methods, and physiological awareness.
Public speaking does not have to be perfect to be effective, nor do people have to change themselves to become strong speakers, said Zimmer, who has taught public speaking for 20 years.
“Even the shyest person has tremendous potential for developing powerful stage presence and charisma,” said Zimmer. “The key is for people to develop a style of speaking that is authentic to them, meaning that shy or introverted people can remain true to themselves and speak from their hearts without having to pretend to be extroverts. In fact, shy people often become some of the best speakers, because their fear is a sign of a wonderful sensitivity, which can be transformed into a powerful way to connect with people. “
As outlined in her book, many of Zimmer’s core concepts go against traditional ways of teaching public speaking. Rather than asking readers to cover up their tension and fear, she teaches them to explore their tension until it turns into positive energy and enthusiasm. She advises readers to avoid self-criticism, and shares tips for confronting negative self-talk. Rather than advising speakers to stick to a pre-written script, Zimmer offers useful techniques such as “stringing beads” to craft quick and compelling presentations, and “letting it come out rough” instead of worrying about perfection – the pursuit of which paralyzes so many speakers with fear. Zimmer also shares her unique 15-minute grounding exercise, which she calls “the most effective stage fright antidote.”
Topics for some of the book’s 11 chapters include Developing Presence, How to Come Home to Your Body, Confronting Negative Self-Talk, Thinking on Your Feet, and Organizing Your Presentation. At 212 pages, the book is priced $16.99, and is the latest release from Zimmer and The Self-Expression Center, which has also produced audio CDs and downloads including “Speaking from the Heart,” “Ground Yourself for Star Quality Presence,” and “Presence, Charisma, Leadership Aura and Star Quality.” All can be purchased or downloaded at www.self-expression.com.
About The Self-Expression Center
The Self-Expression Center was founded in 1992 in Houston, Texas by Sandra Zimmer. Zimmer earned a BA in Psychology, MA in Theatre and Doctorate in Esoteric Philosophy. Through combining her experience and degrees, Zimmer developed training programs that help people connect with their natural abilities to express themselves. Most of her clients are business professionals from a wide range of industries, including oil and gas, energy companies, engineering and architecture firms, law firms, medical organizations, real estate and high tech consultants. The Self-Expression Center offers individual coaching, group courses and corporate training programs in Zimmer’s method to develop an authentic style of speaking to groups.
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Human emotional energy either contracts or expands. When your energy is contracting, you feel negative emotions such as fear and anxiety, anger and sadness. But when your energy is expanding, you feel positive emotions like excitement, joy, love and power.
In this article, I’ll focus on anxiety vs. excitement. Anxiety is the contraction state where you think you don’t have any power, think possibilities are limited and expect things will probably go badly. Excitement is the expansion state of being energized for action and creating new possibilities.
Whether you are anxious about the economic downturn, anxious about public speaking, sharing your ideas in a meeting or interviewing for a job, anxiety can be a doorway to energy, expansion and excitement. The secret to using anxiety is in how you focus your attention into the tension and how you label the experience of tension.
You won’t believe me now, but it’s a good thing to have stage fright. In fact, the more stage fright you have, the better presenter or performer you can become, and the more potential you have to be a deeply impacting communicator and speaker! The reason is that you have the feelings. Your feelings are at the surface where they can be used to create a genuine emotional connection with the audience.
In my Speaking from the Heart classes, it is always the person who has the most stage fright who becomes the most affecting and inspiring speaker. Take Brenda Wind for instance. Brenda came to my class after a long court battle over sexual harassment that had destroyed her self-confidence. In her first class, Brenda was so terrified to speak in front of her eight classmates (most of whom were just as anxious as she was) that her whole body trembled uncontrollably. To stand in front of her small group was at first deeply frightening, because so much past emotion from the court battle was brought to the surface of her awareness. Her body was wracked with the intensity of her emotion.
Slowly, over several weeks of classes, Brenda began to give herself permission to experience all her feelings and to share them with her classmates. Most felt similar discomfort, so they accepted her intense feelings and accepted her for having them. As she embraced all her emotions, Brenda felt safe to experience them in front of her group. Those emotions, which seemed so negative and created such tension, loosened into a flow of feeling that turned into excitement, enthusiasm and passion to share. She freed her pent-up passion, making it available to use in her speaking.
Just a few months after her first class, Brenda strode confidently onto the stage of the elegant Wortham Theatre, home to Houston’s world-class opera and ballet companies. She was there to share her story with 300 women and a handful of men at the “Women Supporting Women Conference,” which she had co-produced. As Brenda stood on stage, receiving support from her audience, she consciously chose to claim her space at the center of their attention. To her amazement, she was filled with the emotion of excitement as she began her story. The next day, the Houston Chronicle declared her talk “the most affecting and riveting of the entire conference.”
For the rest of her life Brenda will be able to share her insights and ideas with groups of all sizes, and her story is similar to hundreds of other transformations I have witnessed as people go through the Speaking from the Heart process. It can be your story too.
The trick to awesome speaking is not looking good on the outside, but feeling good on the inside. You must build an inner foundation of comfort in your skin, presence, internal fullness and receptivity to the flow of other’s attention.
What trips people up about speaking is often the internal tension that distracts them from what they have to say. When you learn to create an inner foundation of presence, thoughts can flow and speaking becomes much easier. Honestly, speaking mechanics are pretty easy once you learn to establish your presence! Presence makes you feel so good inside that you are free to share your ideas, insights, expertise, stories and points.
Like an athlete, developing the inner game makes the difference between good and great. Right now, I am watching Tiger Woods make a big putt when it counts. Taking his time, standing there, relaxed, focusing until he has it inside. Then just the right swing, connecting with the ball and the target hole. 5 under par. Lovely!
Speaking well is like that. Settling into your body, breathing, feeling yourself, thinking your thoughts and just saying what is there to be said, connecting with your target audience.
If you are struggling with fear of speaking, stage fright, performance anxiety, try some of my techniques to build an inner foundation of presence. I have tons of articles on my website to help. Here are a few:
Top 10 Ways to Develop Presence
Top 10 Ways to Transform Stage Fright
I teach people to think on their feet and speak from their hearts. My greatest challenge as a presentation teacher is to persuade people to accept their natural ability to speak and to let it flow without expecting themselves to be perfect in their speech. Verbal communication does not require the same sentence structure that writing does. In fact, if you write a talk the way you write for an article, you can count on it sounding stilted when you speak the way you write.
My favorite story about thinking on your feet and being willing to speak like you talk comes from trial lawyer Gerry Spence’s book How to Argue and Win Every Time. Here’s the story.
Early in his career, Gerry was arguing a case before a jury. He had written and practiced his argument, but his fear was so great that he could only read it to the jury panel. Suddenly, his notes flew from the lectern and went flying across the floor. Unable to retrieve them or find his place in his notes, he was forced to speak without notes. In stark terror, he started with words to the effect “I wish I could talk with you without my notes from my heart. My client is innocent, and you know why I know.” Then suddenly, his magical argument had begun. He spoke for an hour until he was out of things to say. As he spoke, he felt supported by an invisible force which carried his words, body, gestures and emotions in a flow all the way to the end of his argument. He said that this invisible force wrote the script, choreographed the movements and gestures and expressed his emotions, even created a perfect ending. Hi jury was out for less than a half-hour before returning a verdict for his client.
While he was overjoyed by his experience and his victory, he was perplexed when he read the transcript recorded verbatim by the court reporter. His sentences had been stop and start, his grammar incorrect and syntax illogical at times. His speech was far from perfect. Yet it was brilliant! It had moved the jury by its passion and truth without having to be perfect. It had won the case through speaking from the heart and telling the truth.
In my speaking classes, I guide people step by step to think on their feet and speak in the moment. My students speak brilliantly on their feet, putting stories, lessons and points together without notes. The method I teach for stringing beads of content together frees them to create brief but very compelling talks. But, I sigh when they criticize themselves for not being perfect. The hardest thing I have to teach my speaking students is to let go of perfection and stop self-judgment and criticism. When they finally get that they don’t have to be perfect, they soar with passion and inspire with words born of their hearts. Like Gerry Spence, they learn to allow an invisible force, which I would call soul, to take over and guide their ideas, words and emotions as they speak.
I would love to have been a fly on the wall to have heard what President Clinton said to the North Korean officials that persuaded them to release the two women reporters. My guess is that he used his ability to connect genuinely and speak from his heart. I am sure he had a well thought out argument, but I’ll bet it was his natural warmth and presence along with his love for people that did the trick. Never underestimate the power of connection to make a difference in human interactions! When we are really present with others, listen to them and hear their thoughts, they most often respond in kind. Well done, President Clinton!
I write to remind myself of the mystery of life and the importance of surrendering to the support that God provides in moments when life seems scary. Self-expression through writing, movement and sound are ways that I handle the panic when things are coming undone. I am writing this article for myself and to share with you how I have learned to handle the emotions associated with major changes in life.
Panic is the state of psychological fear and bodily contraction that your personality experiences when life is shifting directions, changing levels or forcing growth and expansion. It is the feeling of being beside yourself, wild, near madness which we all try to avoid at all costs, until it overwhelms us. When life is unstructuring your comfortable patterns, as is happening today with such economic uncertainty, the thing to do is make friends with the archetype Pan. Pan was the mischievous Greek god of the fields and pastures who rustled the reeds to scare travelers as they passed through the woods. His name became synonymous with unsubstantiated anxiety and is the root of the word panic.
What I mean by making friends with Pan is to surrender to the psychological chaos and bodily-felt tension of panic, instead of fighting it. Relax into the situation and free-fall through the changes that are happening in your life. Let yourself flow through it without having to know where you will land or how it will be resolved. Trust God and life to bring you out of the situation better off than where you started. Keep in mind that life is ever evolving us as individuals and as the human race to higher states of awareness. Old patterns have to die to make way for new ones. When things in life have gotten too rigid and crystallized, they will inevitably have to be unstructured so they can rebuild into better things. And this is where we are today as a nation and perhaps as a whole humanity.
I have been at this place before several times, and I have learned how to surrender to the energy of panic to free-fall through the bad times and transform the experience into a joyful birthing of new possibilities. I use the acronym F E A R to guide myself through the steps, and I will share them here in hopes it may help you if you are facing panic about the state of your life or the world at this time.
F – Feel the panic. Lie down comfortably, focus attention inside your body and just feel your feelings. Let the tension and anxiety have their way with you. You may notice that after a while the discomfort of the fear begins to release as you are no longer resisting the flow of feelings in your body.
E – Express the feelings. Use some form of creative expression to get the feelings out of you. Sing, dance, paint, write, act, whatever you can do to express it creatively. Now the energy of fear is transforming from a state of contraction into a flow of energy in your body. By now, you are feeling a state of release, maybe even joy!
A – Accept the situation. Allow yourself permission to accept what is happening in your life right now. Enjoy the feeling of free-falling into the future without knowing what will happen. Give up control. Embrace uncertainty.
R – Receive the new ideas and possibilities. In a state of release, your mind opens to a new inflow of ideas, insights and you will start to see new possibilities so you can move into new action.
I recall the first time I went through this process consciously. I had given up my low-paying job selling jewelry to devote my energies to teaching acting and voice. For a while I did well enough and then things dried up. No business, no classes, no clients! I was panicked, beside myself with anxiety and worry about my future! I did these steps in my living room for a few days until I became calm and peaceful even though I still did not know what to do. Suddenly the phone rang and a woman I knew from having directed her play spoke cheerfully into my ear, “Sandra, would you be willing to take over my acting classes at Country Playhouse Theatre? I am leaving Houston and need someone to teach several classes. I thought of you.”
That phone call changed my life! Those classes not only sustained me financially for three years, but they were the place I developed all my acting for non-actors classes and my Speaking from the Heart program. The experience of teaching at Country playhouse provided the foundation for all the work that I do now with speaking, presentation and transforming fear of public speaking. I am convinced that I drew that opportunity to me by the law of attraction because I was in a receptive state after doing the FEAR steps outlined above.
I hope these steps help if you are facing changes that you have no control over. It is such a creative way of handling the emotions of change. If you need help to go through it, in person, by phone or skype, call on me. Visit www.self-expression.com for articles, ideas and details of individual coaching.