There is Only One Audience in the World: How to Create a Supportive Audience

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My public speaking students ask, “What if I speak to an audience that is hostile? How do I deal with that?” This question usually comes up after they have transformed a great deal of stage fright and are feeling very comfortable at the center of attention in their class group. The implication of the question is how to protect themselves from people who don’t love, respect and accept them. At the root of this question is a judgment about the audience members. Their assumption is that people in the audience will treat them disrespectfully and even worse attack them outright. I tell them that there is only one audience in the world – that is the audience that you create by how you relate to them. People are mostly alike. For the most part, they care about other people and want to be supportive. And, if they are treated with respect and honesty, they respond in kind. Audiences are the same way. If you step up to the podium and open to receive them, they are compelled to pay attention and to support you.It’s all in how you look at them, literally how you look at them. If you tense up to protect yourself from attack, you unconsciously invite them to attack you. You are looking at them as dangerous, and they will sense that. But if you look at them through the eyes of love and acceptance, they will sense that and give supportive attention back to you. You literally create a supportive audience by being there to support them.I recommend and teach the use of soft eyes. That is, look softly at your audience members. Land your eyes gently on one person at a time, taking in a sense of energy from each individual you make eye contact with. I call this “receiving” the audience. It allows you to be with them rather than talk at them. Instead of looking at them with hard-focused eyes, open yourself to take in their attention, love and support. Because you are looking with friendly, soft eyes, people are instantly transformed and respond in kind.

Soft eye connection gives others permission to be who they are with whatever feelings and thoughts they currently have. When people are given permission to feel their feelings and think their real thoughts, they relax and become kinder and more open. If you are willing to take the risk to be open with your audience, they will be open with you.

So for instance, if you are sharing some bad news with a group of stakeholders, and you can be honest about the situation and can give them permission to be upset about it, then that permission will allow them to express their displeasure. If you resist, they will stay angry. If you allow their feelings to be expressed and you don’t take it personally, they calm down.

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Acceptance is Opening to All Possibilities

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 I was approached to write a talk, Taming the Dragon: Facing the Fear of Change for a non-profit organization. Saturday I delivered the talk twice and did well enough.  As I drove away from the event, I realized that the talk was as much for my own healing as it was for the audience of low-income families who were attempting to break the cycle of poverty.  My talk involved sharing my stories about the many times I faced the fear of change over the years as I created my programs and built my business.   One of the biggest AH HA!s I gained from writing this talk was that I truly saw the power of acceptance to transform negative emotion into positive, productive energy.  Acceptance – I discovered as I wrote the talk – is the willingness to allow the possibility for something to happen. When we make a change in our life, there is a natural backlash of fear that we must encounter and move through in order to go forward in our life.  As we accept the feelings and emotions of fear, they dissolve and transform into energy and excitement.  The fear comes to us when the mind or ego is not willing to accept the possibility that things could work out badly.  When you open yourself to accept the possibility of the worst and the possibility that things might turn out magnificently, then the fear releases and there is a sense of peace. Acceptance is simply a state of allowing for all possibilities.   As in life, stage fright and fear of public speaking comes when we are not willing to accept the possibility that we might fail and also that we might speak brilliantly.  We freeze up to brace for the worst to happen, that we might blow it badly.  And of course, then we often do fail.  But if we can accept the fear as a natural part of our sensitivity, we can relax and let ourselves give our best, letting go of the outcome.  If you open to the possibility that you might fail, you can then open to a more wonderful possibility that you might be brilliant.  And brilliance happens when you are authentic and open to be real with listeners. 

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What Acting Classes Can Do for You

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This week, Tuesday night, marks the re-emergence of my acting classes at Self-Expression Center. Acting as an art form, for its own sake, has long since lost its luster and attraction for me. I am after much more important results from acting! I think all the art forms are really for the purpose of healing issues of self-expression. Acting in particular has import for daily life, business and interpersonal relations. And this is what interests me! Learning the skills that actors develop is a FUN way to transform the way you express who you are, so that you become more effective in all aspects of your life.

So much good comes out of acting classes. First is freedom of expression. The art of the actor is the ability to express a wide range of qualities and emotions freely. Second is confidence to show up in front of others. Much of business is about showing up with confidence to share your ideas, insights and expertise to make a difference in the lives of others. We call that “service.” Thirdly, at least the way that I teach acting, is authenticity. Acing is about being real with what you feel in the moment. I know that sounds paradoxical because acting is pretending to be someone else. But the actor learns to believe in himself so that his actions and emotions are genuine rather than faked. (Remember as a child how fully you believed you were a cowboy, Indian, mermaid or princess?) Acting reminds you that you do not have to be limited; you can become anyone you want to be, for real. Fourth, acting classes teach you how to connect fully with other people and to respond spontaneously. Acting is about making a genuine connection that is two-way, both giving and receiving attention from others. Lastly, learning the skills of actors develops presence – real, palpable and powerful presence. Because acting requires learning how to be in the moment, acting students become adept at being here and now. They literally radiate a presence that attracts the attention of others.

When you think about it, these are all qualities and abilities that professionals, leaders, managers and executives need to possess in order to be effective in business relationships. Several years ago, I chanced upon an article published in the National Association of Female Executives (NAFE) newsletter. The article said that the two most important skills that women managers should develop if they want to move into executive levels were humor and acting. Wow! Got my attention!

Do you have an idea that acting might propel your professional development and business communication to a new level? That it might help you develop self-expression, authenticity, confidence, connectivity, and presence? Well, you are right! If you think it might be a valuble step in your career development, come and join in this Tuesday at 7 PM. Visit self-expression.com for details.

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Book & Audio on Transforming Fear of Public Speaking and Stage Fright

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  This is so exciting!  I am actually recording the audio version of my new book that reveals my entire Zimmer Method for transforming stage fright and fear of public speaking!  I have a little sound studio set up on my home office computer, thanks to Bill Ferguson who loaned me his equipment and taught me to use it. That is a story in itself.  Bill Ferguson, a noted teacher of healing relationships (see his wonderful programs at BillFerguson.com) called me up, shared all his secrets for publishing and gave me the use of his own professional equipment to record the audio.  Before I publish the book, he recommended recording the audio version as a way of editing the book one last time.  The gift that Bill gave me is unparalleled in my experience! I take it as a sign that the world is ready for my work and that all the support I need will be available to me for the completion on the book. I am taking it easy, recording at odd hours and when I have the impulse to do so.  The audio should be available even before the book.  Stay posted!

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4 Steps for Turning Fear of Change into Productive Energy

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I have been invited to speak at a seminar produced by Skills 4 Living, a non-profit org that supports low-income families to prepare to raise their income and improve their situation in life.  They asked me to speak to the fear of change.  Frankly I was not sure I could speak on this topic, not sure I had a story to tell that would matter to the participants.  But I believe in the program and decided to see if I could write a story and a process that would help people face the fear of change when they attempt to grow in their lives. I am so glad I said yes!

 

 

As I wrote the story, I was able to look back at my life and see the numerous times that I took risks to grow and how well I had been supported by spirit to change and grow.  Not only that, I also discovered 4 steps that I have always used to face the fear of change and to help me go through the time of tension and terror that always accompanies a change in life. The 4 steps are easily remembered by using the word FEAR.

  1. Feel the emotion of fear, tension and anxiety. Don’t avoid, just be still and feel it fully.
  2. Express it out of your body.  Scream, cry, dance, act, paint or write it out of you.  Keep expressing until you get still and peaceful.
  3. Accept it.  Accept that you are changing and that you are taking a risk and that you can’t control the outcome.  And ask for help, pray and meditate.
  4. Remember the vision of what you saw was possible you had when you decided to change, recall the impulse that excited you and caused you to take a chance.

 

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Your Sacred Wound Becomes Your Unique Message for Public Speaking and Performing

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Everyone has a unique message to deliver that is exciting and compelling.  Every life has a theme that is based on a major lesson that is being learned through the human experience.  Your unique message always comes from your struggles.  Struggles build soul. What you are wrestling with in your life becomes the gift you have to give others.  When you identify your message, you can use it in your presentations to inspire yourself and your listeners and to ease your stage fright. 

Your unique message often comes from emotional wounds suffered in childhood.  I believe each human being suffers a wound early in life.  We were each hurt in some way that has deeply affected our lives and created an obstacle to overcome.  Life, then, is a process of learning to heal that wound.  The wound provides the experience, and the process of healing provides the wisdom for you to contribute to the lives of others.  So the wound becomes a spiritual gift.  I call it the “sacred wound,” and the best healers – perhaps the only true healers – are the wounded healers. 

I once saw Sophia Loren discuss her sacred wound while being interviewed by Barbara Walters.  Barbara asked Sophia what the secret of her stardom was, and Sophia shared that she and her mother had been abandoned by her father.  As a young child, she struggled with the pain of his abandonment, which was always with her.  As an adult actress, she became aware that her ever-present pain had become an emotional treasure that she used to bring authenticity to her performances.  She was able to tap into the pain in her heart in every role she played, and she firmly believed it was the source of her talent and her stardom.

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Your Unique Message for Public Speaking & Performance

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It is empowering to identify your own universal message that you want to deliver.   It will energize your presentations with passion for what you are saying.  A contributing factor to stage fright is the fact that people leave out their most deeply held beliefs and values from their presentations.  They tend to edit out the very material that would inspire their communications.  Underlying this tendency is a belief that their spiritual and emotional values are not appropriate or acceptable in many situations.  This is not the truth.  The truth is, that your emotional and spiritual Self should always be expressed in every talk, performance or communication that you deliver. 

 

 

There is always a place for universal human values.  Without it, your presentations are too dry, cerebral and heartless.  Without emotional juice to support and empower your presentation, you will naturally feel more stage fright.  When you bring your deeply held values into your talks, you are automatically connected to your passion, which is the fuel of your star power.  The passion of your spirit buoys you with so much energy to share your gifts that you forget to be afraid.

 

 

For more ideas on how to speak from passion, please visit teh articles on my website at http://www.self-expression.com/articles.shtml.

 

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Self-Confidence

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The thrust of my entire life has been about working through insecurity to develop self-confidence.  The main thing I have learned is that authenticity fosters confidence.  As an actor, I trembled at auditions.  As long as I fought my tremors and made myself wrong for feeling afraid, I tensed to protect myself from showing my fear.  In one key audition, I sang for “Jacques Brel is Alive and Living in Paris”, I decided to let myself shake.  I couldn’t stop it, so I let it happen and I sang with every ounce of passion I had.  I got cast!  What a lesson!  Authentically shaking and allowing myself to be was all it took to win the audition.  That one audition developed so much self-confidence in myself, even though I was terrified. People who are self-confident are not without insecurities.  They simply allow themselves to work through them, to feel the feeling of the fear or anxiety. I recently found a blog post by a Director who echoed this in saying” It’s okay to be insecure!  It’s okay to be afraid.  It’s not okay to let them take over your life.” 

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The Presence of George Michael on American Idol

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Right after the final night of American Idol, I posted this comment.  It did not seem to show up on my blog, so I am reposting it.  I was so taken with the quality of talent this year, but when a real professional singer performed the last night, the difference was palpable.  Forgive me if you received this already!

The final night of American Idol was such a study in contrast of Idol finalists and seasoned performers.  As the competition got down to the last two finalists, David and David, they each had developed a sense of presence in their performances that had matured through the competition.  And yet, when George Michael walked onto the stage, we saw and felt real power of presence.  He possessed the deep-in-his-body presence that makes a star. He sang with total control of his music, total connection to the meaning and the ability to radiate soul energy out into the audience so that it embraced us with his love.  Simon Cowell stood to applaud.  Enough said!

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