Movement for Freeing Self-Expression

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Freeing your body to move is essential to excellent presentation.  Athletes, actors and dancers always warm up the body before performing because they know that it is the instrument through which they express and communicate.  If your body is tense, your thoughts and emotions will not flow easily.  Conversely, if your body is relaxed and in a flow state, words, thoughts and feelings can flow freely out of your heart and mind.  You can connect with the passion of your spirit and express it fluidly.   You do not have to be a dancer or athlete to free your body for self-expression.  You merely have to loosen up the muscles and joints, increasing the flow of oxygen through your bloodstream.  Below are two simple and quick exercises that have proven to be very effective in freeing your body for expressive movement.  You can do each in only two or three minutes, and they will greatly enhance your energy level as well. 

Muscle Shaking – Shake one arm for 30 seconds, then stop and feel the flow in that arm.  Then shake the other arm and each leg, one at a time.  You will be amazed at teh free flow of energy that muscle shaking loosens up! 

Head to Toe Dance –  Move your neck around any way that feels good for a few seconds.  Then move your shoulders.  Then your elbows.  Continue to isolate movement in each joint area of your body. Move your spine, then hips, then knees, then ankles and feet. 

Notice how much looser your whole body feels after these two exercises. When your body is loose, you feel much more free to express yourself, rpresent, communicate or perform.

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The “Be With” Quality that Transforms Stage Fright and Fear of Public Speaking

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When you add the word “with”, a bond is created.  For instance “she’s with me”, “be with child”, “speak with a group.”

 

So much of stage fright and fear of public speaking is about feeling separated or being judged by others. People with stage fright and fear of public speaking are experiencing a separation from the group involved.  Their thoughts are focused on the disconnection from the group and the expectation that the group will somehow not be with them as they speak, share their ideas, present or perform.

 

A simple shift in thinking about “being with” the audience can make a huge difference in your level of comfort.  Learning how to be with the audience transforms the experience of being the center of attention from a sense of feeling isolated to a sense of we are here together.

 

Think about what it takes to be with others.  What do you have to do to create a sense of being with?  It’s attention on three levels: 1) a mental intention to connect, 2) a feeling of openness towards and 3) an action of reaching out and speaking truth.  Attend to all that with your audience and you be with them in a way that builds connection, chemistry, magnetic attraction and falling in love with listeners. I know it’s a lot, but it is what you have to do to be at ease with others in a group.

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Tools for Presence

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Presence is the antidote to stage fright and fear of public speaking. Cultivating a sense of presence and being present in the moment, will support highly sensitive people who are feeing stressed about presenting and performing in front of groups.

  The main key to presence is getting the thinking mind out of the head and into the body. You have to focus your attention below the neck into the whole body and become aware of sensations inside your skin.  This effort will reverse the tendencies to stay in your head, run negative thoughts and avoid the important humanizing aspect of feelings and emotions. 

Here are three exercises to help develop presence:

    1. Breathe deeply into your body.  Open your mouth and breathe air down your spine all the way to your pelvis.  Mentally follow the breath stream as you inhale and exhale.

 

    1. Focus your attention into each separate part of your body, from your neck down to your feet. Simply pay attention to being inside each part of your body.  This will bring a sense of energy into the whole body.

 

  1. Shake the muscles of your arms and legs.  Shake one extremity at a time.  Shake hard for as along as 30 seconds.  When you stop shaking, you will feel a great sense of blood and energy flowing through your body. 

Focus your attention on what you are feeling now, in this moment.  After doing the exercises above, you will most likely notice that you feel more peaceful and still inside.  Your mind will seem quieter and emotions will not be so stirred up. You will be able to think more clearly and think on your feet more easily.

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About John Tesh’s Blog Taming Fear

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John Tesh just posted a blog called Taming Fear on which he shared that one of his biggest fears was stage fright.  He was wonderfully honest about his fear and shared his experience of getting help from a therapist named Dr Hart. What pleased me so much was that Dr. Hart’s approach to healing stage fright was strikingly similar to mine.  It is wonderful for an accomplished performer to share his personal fears.  It gives others the courage to reach through their own fears and to reach for their dreams. And it was generous of John to share Dr. Hart with the world.     I want to acknowledge and support the process that Dr. Hart guided John through that helped him transform some stage fright.  For 20 years, I have been guiding people through stage fright and fear of public speaking.  My work came from my own terror about being the center of attention. Out of my terror, I created a process called the Zimmer Method that sounds similar to Dr. Hart’s ideas.  The steps are first learn to feel the fear and tension, then describe it or express it outloud to a supportive group and finally allow yourself to relax into the tension and fear.   When you do this process in a supportive group, the tension dissolves out of the body.  Even more amazing, the tension of being the center of attention transforms into presence and passion! My discovery has been that people who have the most stage fright have the potential to be among the most compelling presenters and performers because they have the feelings.  Their feelings are up to the surface where they can be used to create authentic emotional connection with listeners.  I will bet that when John Tesh transformed his stage fright, he gained access to more passion than he had ever experienced before.  Thanks to John for his open and honest sharing about some of his healing process.  This is what will transform the world – authenticity!

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Develop your Authentic Public Speaking Style – Seven Tips

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 When it comes to speaking, presenting or performing, each of us must decide how we are going to present ourselves to the world.  We might each ask ourselves, “Will I create an image I think my audience will approve or will I risk presenting myself as I authentically am?”  This question determines whether we will seek to be perfect or to be genuine. When you ask and answer this question, you have a chance to build a style of speaking based on your natural strengths.  Here are seven tips to help you build a style based on being who you are rather than who you think you should be. 

  1. Include your natural qualities.  Make a list of qualities that describe your strengths, for instance – sweet, kind, funny, serious, intense, direct, knowledgeable.  Bring those qualities into your talk or performance.  There is a tendency for speakers to think they have to act a certain way. Resist the temptation to be any way you think you should and just go with being the person your close friends know you to be.

 

  1. Be Unique.  Everyone has unique and quirky behaviors. Allow the quirky aspects of your personality to be a part of your speaking or performing style.  Those personality quirks will be the marks of authenticity that your audience perceives with the eyes and ears of their hearts.

 

  1. Let your style be based on your natural rhythms. Introverts and extraverts have different rhythms for expression. Introverts are deep and inwardly focused, so their thoughts and words come from the depths of their being.  If you are an introvert, let your self speak slowly and deliberately and thoughtfully. Don’t try to manufacture enthusiasm that is false for you.  Extraverts are dynamic and outwardly focused.  If you are extraverted, be large and dramatic. Don’t try to squash your natural energies or be too controlled.

 

  1. Say it like you would say it in real life.  Speak, present or perform just like you are talking to friends in your living room.  Ask yourself, “How would I really say this?” Then say it that way as if you were talking to a close friend.

 

  1. Give up trying to be perfect.  Let your style be imperfect. Don’t try to speak like you write.  Instead of trying to speak perfectly, focus on speaking the truth. When you tell the truth, you don’t speak in literary phrases. You let it come from your heart as you feel it.

 

  1. Realize that being perfect does not equate to being effective.  Being effective does not have to do with your performance.  It has to do with what happens to the listeners as a result of who you are being with them.

 

  1. Make space for your fear.  Give yourself permission to feel your fear, anxiety or tension when you are presenting and performing.  The fear is energy; it is power and passion.  When you create space inside yourself to feel the fear, it converts into passion that causes your words to vibrate with electricity.
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The Power of Soft Eye Connection to Lessen Fear of Public Speaking

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 Connection is a two-way exchange of attention and energy.  It is an ability to give attention to others and receive attention from others.  When you actually connect, you experience an exchange of human energy that feels good emotionally and physically. No matter who you are or what you do, the ability to connect is an essential ingredient to success in speaking and in life.  The ability to make connection easily opens all kinds of possibilities – for creating relationships, for sales and doing business, for leading groups, teams, families and for influencing family friends, clients and co-workers. 

At The Self-Expression Center in Houston, we teach a core concept called “receiving the flow of attention from others.”  Receiving the flow of attention from others makes connection with other people easy. Everyone knows that they should make eye contact when they speak, but not many people feel comfortable making deep connection…so they will glance toward others… and not really connect, not really see individuals and not allow themselves to be seen. 

I discovered a way to use your eyes that makes it feel safer to connect with individuals and groups. I call it a soft eye focus or soft eyes.  In soft eye focus, you let your eyes go slightly unfocused and soft.  Land your eyes gently on one person at a time, and imagine you drink them in through your eyes. Simply allow the energy of others to come into you and receive the impression of them, kind of like being a piece of photographic paper. Using soft-eye contact while speaking in front of groups helps minimize fear of public speaking because it causes you to see with the eyes of love. You see people with acceptance rather than with judgment.  That feels safer and creates a heart connection with others.  And it also has the effect of causing you to feel more connected to yourself and to Spirit because it is an act of sharing spiritual energy.  The more you connect through soft eye contact, the more comfortable you feel in the world and in front of others.

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Speaking to Propel Yourself into the Future – Storytelling

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Life presents opportunities – moments that can propel us into a future of expanded experience. When the moment comes to turn the tide of life, what prepares us to catch the opportunity?  It is the ability to speak, to say yes, to say just the right thing, tell the right story, make the right point to the right people.  Promotions often come with the need to speak, sell, persuade, educate or motivate others. 

One of the best things you can do to prepare yourself for promotion is to develop your speaking abilities.  Preparing yourself to speak is a process of developing a series of skills that add up to being able to respond when the time comes. 

In the Zimmer Method for Authentic Communication, the steps build on one another making the pathway to success an easy progression for developing very powerful subtle speaking skills.  The steps are:

  1. Being comfortable in your skin and relaxing into the moment
  2. Making genuine connection with important listeners
  3. Being clear about your message
  4. Telling the right story that is persuasive

 

Through a progression of exercises, you learn to step into your natural ability to speak in a way that compels attention, touches the right nerve, excites important listeners with possibility and instills in them a trust in you.  All of this can happen effortlessly because you are prepared to be who you are, to be with others and to speak with them persuasively.  Last September, I was reminded how effortless it can be to connect with new clients and customers.  I had the opportunity to speak with the leaders at a consulting company.  I met first with the Vice-President of Marketing.  She was seeking some presentation training for their software consultants.  I almost did not have to talk to her.  Mostly I listened to her needs.  Then I said the one thing that lit her enthusiasm – I said the word “storytelling.”  She was delighted that her consultants could be taught to tell the company stories!  She said that their CEO believed in telling stories and thought that he would love my approach.   

She set up a meeting with herself, their CEO and myself.   Once again I did not have to say much!  Again I listened to his thoughts about what their consultants needed to learn.  After he talked awhile, I asked if I could tell a story.  I then told him about a CFO I had coached to tell a personal story at her financial briefing. My story demonstrated the power of story to compel attention, engage listeners and win hearts.  That was all it took to win this wonderful new client!  I just had to be myself with the leaders and say the single thing that sparked their imagination so they could see the possibility of their consultants engaging their own clients. 

  

I feel so grateful for the ability to be with people and to speak in a way that makes a difference so effortlessly!  And I love to share this knowledge with others! May I share it with you? Prepare yourself to propel yourself into an expanded future.  Don’t wait until an important opportunity has passed to get ready for what life has in store for you.

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Gabe & Izzy Give Their Gift

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This story is about the importance of sharing your gift even when you are afraid.  Gabe is a  young woman with a neuromuscular disease. As a child she was bullied in school. She became despondent about life. Her parents got her a dog, Izzy. As time passed, Izzy developed a similar disease. Gabe nurtured Izzy and began to transform her attitude about life.

Somehow the local media picked up the story.  Gabe and Izzy were featured in a news story.  The story flowered into a speaking career for Gabe.  She began to speak to schools about bullying being a choice. At first she was afraid, but she persisted in sharing her story because it helped her to heal and because it helped others to realize they could choose to not bully.

Gabe and Izzy are sharing the gift of their experience.  Had Gabe chosen to listen to her fear, she would not have an awesome career and not be making a difference in the world.

People with stage fright and fear of public speaking are being called by life to share their wisdom and experience more fully with the world.  Are you being called?

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Why I Say Love is the Answer to Stage Fright & Fear of Public Speaking

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Darren’s comment on a recent blog post opened the door for me to delve more deeply into my awareness of what causes stage fright and fear of public speaking.  In response, I’d like to focus on what triggers stage fright and what heals it, what releases us from the grip of negativity and unleashes our potential to communicate and express who we are.    What triggers stage fright is judgment – fear of judgment from others and expectation of perfection which is judgment of self.  A more subtle form of judgment of the audience (others) also exists, in that we are judging them as judgmental of us.  Get it?  We are expecting them to dislike and disapprove of us.  So, we are judging them!  We don’t feel safe with them because we expect them to be unsafe.    Judgment is the opposite of acceptance, of love.  Judgment imprisons us, making us tense and anxious.  In judgmentalism, we assesses things as wrong and bad.  Judging self is not accepting and loving oneself as you are.  We judge ourselves as not good enough.  We judge the audience as enemies, as judging us.      In order to heal stage fright, we must remove judgment so we can experience love, for self and for audience members.  The main judgment to remove is that there is something wrong with us if we are feeling tension or fear about sharing ourselves.  Once we learn it is OK to feel feelings and to express feelings in front of others, then we begin to feel free to be who we are at the center of attention. The process of transforming stage fright and fear of public speaking involves giving oneself permission to be who we are (without self-judgment) in front of others.    Giving yourself permission to feel your feelings, and be who you are in front of others heals the problems of stage fright. This is a much deeper level of work than simply learning mechanical speaking or performance skills. Traditional public speaking teachers and performance coaches will drill you on performance and presentation techniques because that is all they know how to do. But that will not heal stage fright.  Psychologists will help you analyze why you feel afraid, but that will not heal stage fright.  Hypnotists will program your subconscious mind, but that will not heal stage fright.  What will help is permission to feel your feelings, be who you are and express authentic thoughts and feelings in front of others.     So yes, at a level beyond the mechanics of public speaking (knowing what to do and how to do it), stage fright is about not loving yourself.  When you can love and accept yourself in front of others, you feel free to share your talents and gifts, ideas and expertise with others.  Once you are there, then, as Darren said in his comment, learning some mechanical skills make presenting easy, even fun!  As you feel free from judgment, free to be yourself, you are naturally energized and excited to share yourself.  It’s a wonderful feeling to be so free in front of others.  

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Mick Jagger Feels Good in his Skin

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Mick Jagger allowed Martin Scorscese to shine a camera upclose, almost down his throat during a concert in order to share what a Rolling Stones concert is really like. This is a part of the upcoming Rolling Stones Movie, “Shine a Light.” Interviewing Mick, Matt Lauer of The Today Show on NBC asked, “You must feel good in your skin?”   Matt was implying that Mick was willing to let the whole world see him as he really is. Mick replied “I DO feel good in my skin.”  

Feeling comfortable in your skin is the secret to performing, speaking and presenting masterfully.  So, what does it take to feel good in your skin in front of others?  It takes three abilities – really three actions you are willing to do in front of others. It takes the ability to focus the mind down into the body (so you have full-body awareness), the ability to feel the feelings and sensations inside your body, and the ability to express the inner feelings and thoughts freely. Free expression is the magic.  But free expression only happens when the first two actions are achieved.

  When you become willing and able to do these three activities, you become authentic in front of others. The actions of focusing so deeply on yourself cause a sense of presence which allows you a level of comfort.  And comfort makes it easy to express yourself.  Genius expression such as Mick Jagger exhibits is built upon a firm foundation of presence and feeling good in your skin.   The paradox to all this is that the more your focus inside yourself, the easier it becomes to connect with others!  I think I will do another blog post to explain this comment.  Meanwhile, I do have a grounding audio that can help you develop presence and comfort in your skin for any purpose, performing, presenting or just being at home in the world.  And if you really want to go for this, consider my group program that transforms stage fright and fear of public speaking into natural presence and passion.

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